To be yours
by Yusagi
Summary: When Yui seals Suzaku, Miaka is faced with cold reality, and must make up for past mistakes, or lose the one she loves most of all. HM One shot fluffiness.


Disclaimer: Nope, don't own FY or anything like that.

AN: Huy. I have a horrid case of writers block. Again. I'd broken through it, then something came up that caused it to flare up doubly as bad.

Or at least, renewed it, anyway.

So, what do they say removes writers block? Writing. Freewriting and such. I'm not that good at freewriting--you know, to me it STILL requires a plot and all that--I get wrapped up in meaningless things and lose it.

However, I got the idea to do something that doesn't require alot of thinking of plots...on shot fluff.

Anyway. Yeah. H/M of course. Can't have enough of them.

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_To Be Yours_

She fidgeted nervously, sitting on the edge of the bed, and busying herself with trying to unravel the lower hem of her robe, to resist bolting out of the door.

_This is stupid. This is_so_ stupid._ Her mind run running in loops to make up for the lead that seemed to fill her legs. _What are you even_doing_ here? Of all the stupid things you've done in your lifetime, this has got to be the _worst

She shook her head in shame. _How can you really even show your_face_ to him again after what you did?_

"But...I can explain..." She said softly, fighting back tears. "I didn't _want_ to do it...I had to..."

She winced slightly as the memory rose to fresh in her memory.

_Pain and hurt was mirrored in exquisite golden eyes, as he stared in dumbfounded shock at her words--no doubt wondering if she had not been replaced by clone again._

_It hurt so much to see him like this...but she had to do it! It was the only way she could do what she promised..._

_"I can't believe you can be so STUPID!" She forced herself to laugh, refusing to look up at him, for fear of losing herself if she had to see the hurt. "I...It was nothing! A girl flirts a little...and look at you, thinking you're something special!"_

_"Miaka, you..."_

_She shook her head quickly, not allowing herself to listen to his strained reasoning, and plastering the most fake smile she had ever worn on her face, before looking up just long enough to wave and speak in a coldly chipper voice. "Sorry!"_

_She ran out of the room before he could reply, trying to get as far away as possible before she collapsed into tears._

Ever since then, she had seen him so little--and when she did, he was always cold and withdrawn, the betrayed hurt reflecting in his voice and eyes no matter how neutral or pleasant he attempted to keep them.

She gave a small sob, and resisted the urge to curl up on the bed. After all that...after all the pain, and all the sacrifices, she still failed to summon Suzaku, and now he was marrying some other woman...

And here she was sitting here like some...some...she did not know what it was she felt like, but it was decietful and pathetic. She balled up her hands into fists and sobbed into them, wishing she would just spontaniously combust and stop causing everyone around her such pain.

"Miaka...?" There was a strained worry in the voice the floated through the dark room, but there was also that horribly familiar coldness in it as well.

She looked up slowly, forcing herself to meet the apprehensive and hurt golden eyes of the one she loved. "I...I'm..." She choked back a sob, shaking her head quickly. "I'm _so sorry_!"

He tensed slightly, a wave of emotions washing across his eyes, before his newfound cynical coldness returned, and he turned away from her, speaking in a tone of coldness that sounded visibly strained. "Don't be, Miaka. Like you said, it was my fault for misunderstanding. I don't hold it against you."

"Hotohori--" She said, voice trembling.

"And as you can see..." He continued, voice strengthening, and gaining a bitter edge. "I have 'moved on' from the 'fling' as well. So don't worry yourself for me."

His voice was like a razor, cutting cleanly through her, and leaving nothing behind. She finally had an inkling of just how much pain she had caused him. Both in mortification at herself, and pain at his words, she gave an agonized sob and fell from her perch to the floor. Her eyes stared blankly at the floor, and she was vaguely away of wretched sobs being torn away from her body.

All that mattered was the dialogue that repeated over and over in her mind, what she so dearly wanted to tell him, but could not find the strength to do more than whisper.

"I'm...I'm so sorry...Tai Yi Jin...she...she said I had to..." She managed in a voice barely audible to even her ears. "I...I had to remain untouched...she said I had to cut off all of my contact to you...it was the only way I could summon Suzaku!"

She leaned her face into her hands again, voice gaining strength in her desperation. "And now I failed at it anyway! And you're marrying that...that female Nuriko...and I just want..."

"Want what?" The voice was soft, Hotohori had knelt next to her, eyes soft, and for once a glimmer of hope shone through the ghosts of pain.

She looked up at him through her fingers, and felt herself flush involuntarily at his closeness, despite her situation. "...You...I just want...you."

He closed his eyes slowly, as if fighting something inside of him. "Why? Am I suddenly more attractive to you now that I will no longer be at your beck and call?"

She gave another sob, and shook her head. "No! I'm sorry, Hotohori...but I had to be cold! It was so hard...it hurt so much to cause you all of that pain...I'm so sorry, Hotohori! I...I just wanted...to be able to protect your country the way you put so much trust into me to do! And now I've failed at everything!"

Strong arms wrapped around her, and she was pulled against a warm chest. "All I ever wanted was _you_, Miaka."

She clung to his robe desperately, fearful that he would let go again. "I'm sorry...I'm...I just...I love you, and I don't know what I'll do if you marry that woman instead!"

A soft hand cupped her chin, and pulled her up to meet soft, desperate eyes. "Miaka..."

"I...I know it's unfair..." She said softly, closing her eyes to escape his gaze. "I know I shouldn't be telling you this when you already have someone else...but...I do! I've always loved you--from when I first met you!"

There was no reply for a moment, then soft lips pressed against hers. "I love you, too, Miaka...I always have."

Her eyes flew open to meet his--the hurt had vanished, and the sadness, replaced with such a warm love it made her want to cry all over again. She hugged him in a feirce embrace, fighting down tears. "Please...please don't marry her, Hotohori."

"There is only one woman I ever want to be my Empress." He said softly. "And that is you, Miaka."

She felt warm fingers curl around her chin once more, and bring her lips up to place a kiss that reflected all of the intensity of his love for her, bringing tears to her eyes again.

"Be my Empress, Miaka...please?" He asked, eyes intense and hopeful.

She gave him a slow, tremulous smile. "I think I would die if I could not be."

**END**

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AN: Well...this was easier than I thought it would be. Due to rules, that's all I have here. If you want to see the 'uncensored' end, you'll have to come read at

www(DOT)mediaminer(DOT)org(SLASH)fanfic(SLASH)src(DOT)php(SLASH)u(SLASH)114922

When I put it up (in a little bit--just check when ya want;) )

-Yusagi


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